It seems that domestic violence is becoming more and more rampant in our modern society.

If you are of have been the victim of violence from a loved you, you understand how helpless it can make you feel. While we may never be able to completely put an end to it, it can help to understand some of the causes of domestic violence.

It seems that alcohol is one of the leading causes of domestic violence. Although either spouse can be the attacker, typically it is the husband – and often times, when it happens, the husband has been drinking. Let’s look at an average case, concerning two people we will call Bob and Sara.

Bob is a friendly and well liked guy, popular with his friend. His wife Sara loves him very much and he is a wonderful father to their kids. He helps around the house and even cooks sometimes. But sometimes, Bob has just a little too much to drink. His personality changes and he begins acting like a whole other person. Sometimes, he’ll start acting suspicious of Sara, accusing her of cheating on him. He becomes argumentative and starts using abusive language, not noticing that he’s frightening their children. Sara may try to walk away from him when she recognizes his drunken behavior, but that only adds to his anger, and he starts acting out with violence.

The next day of course, Bob is appalled and apologetic for his behavior. He will be ashamed of how he acted, and will beg Sara to forgive him. He’ll swear that this will never happen again, that he never wants to hurt her. He promises to quit drinking for good, if only she’ll stay and give him another chance.

Sara is unsure of how to respond. She is quite likely to forgive him immediately, especially for the sake of the kids – although a part of her understands that this is probably not a one time thing.  The truth is that abused spouses often forgive many times before getting the courage to leave their abuser.

In this situation, Bob should absolutely stop drinking, no matter what it takes. Since he only has these spells when he’s drunk, he needs to give up on the booze and talk to a doctor or other trusted advisor about the anger issues he has that are causing him to act the way he does towards Sara.

The reason Bob needs to talk to a doctor is because depression can be one of the causes of domestic violence. Even though Bob may come across as a happy and relaxed guy, when he’s drinking his dark depression comes to the surface. All his resentments and frustrations bubble up, making him angry and abusive. He takes these dark feelings out on the person he loves the most.

Later, after the intoxication wears off, the person is able to suppress those dark feelings again, and make excuses for how they acted, blaming it all on the booze or on a bad day.  When alcoholism and depression are the causes of domestic violence, it’s important that the abuser seeks help to quit drinking and also starts attending anger management programs of some sort. It’s the only solution for people like Bob.